Asking Good Questions: The Art of Intentional Conversations

Categories

Archives

Whenever I go through pictures of me and my previous matches, I often reminisce on the exciting activities and associated memories that we’ve been able to capture on film over the years. However, whenever I more thoughtfully reflect on my experience as a mentor, many of the most meaningful experiences that come to mind were never photographed or shared on social media. Rather, I look back fondly the informal conversations over seemingly mundane activities that evolved into lasting inside jokes and teachable moments for both me and my mentees.

However, whenever I more thoughtfully reflect on my experience as a mentor, many of the most meaningful experiences that come to mind were never photographed or shared on social media.

Rather, I look back fondly the informal conversations over seemingly mundane activities that evolved into lasting inside jokes and teachable moments for both me and my mentees.

David Awosoga, NYMAC

David Awosoga
NYMAC Member

As a data scientist by day, I regularly provide statistical consulting to gather information about my client’s needs and leverage my experience and technical expertise to construct innovative solutions.

As part of consultant training, we covered several principles under the theme of asking good questions, which greatly helped to formalize the lessons and experiences that I previously had had with mentees as a volunteer with Big Brothers Big Sisters. I will reflect on a couple of these lessons here:

Seek first to understand, then to be understood

Especially during difficult conversations, it may not come naturally to slow yourself down and ask questions that allow you to understand the perspective of someone you are communicating with. Practising active listening with my mentee through both verbal and nonverbal responses and giving them space to express themselves without fear of being talked over has proved particularly effective at increasing the depth of our conversations and allowing me to gain better insights into the [message] they were looking to convey. I’ve also found that by demonstrating a commitment to understanding the perspective of my mentee first, they are much more inclined to listen to what I have to say, proving mutually beneficial to the two of us.

Know what you need to know

The mission of BBBS is to enable life-changing relationships to ignite the power and potential of young people, but we must also recognize that these young people overcome adversities every single day that they may not initially feel comfortable sharing with their mentors. Building a foundation of trust upon which a lasting mentoring relationship can be established takes time, and something that I’ve learned from mentoring that was further reinforced in consulting was the importance to only seek out relevant information during conversations and not get caught up phishing for extra details. A mentor who demonstrates genuine interest in the life of their mentee and respects the boundaries of that which they are comfortable sharing will organically become one who can be trusted with opportunities to engage in deeper conversations that further the developmental relationship.

As we continue to seek out ways to build impactful relationships with mentees, never lose sight of the lasting effects that intentional conversations can have towards this end.

Editor’s note: If you think you may be ready to explore little conversations and moments that can have a meaningful impact on you and a young mentee, consider igniting that possibility by exploring volunteer opportunities near you. Contact a Big Brothers Big Sisters agency near you and start the conversation.

Mercedes-Benz Canada is the proud title sponsor of BBBSC’s National Youth Mentoring Advisory Council (NYMAC). This nationwide consortium of youth experts (aged 17-28) representing diverse backgrounds is helping to shape the future of mentorship in Canada. Learn more about our National Youth Mentoring Advisory Council

Mercedes-Benz